THE WEEKLY WEASEL IS NOT A TIDE AD
But people who play variants are 500% more likely to eat Tide Pods.
THE CODCON COMETH
While a formal-er announcement is coming from Tournament Director Bryan Pravel soon, CODCON is coming up April 14-15, which means CODCON puns will likewise be back at full force. Full details and sign up info incoming.
DIP, TABLE FOR TWO
Two games on the docket for next week. On Sunday, we’ve got a house game up in Evanston at Pete McNamara’s place. Then we have a special Tuesday edition of Red Wednesday due to the holiday. Still need two for Tuesday- sign up and bring a date, because nothing says love quite like Diplomacy.
FIVE FACTORS>FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
Speaking of relationships, WEASTATS has begun a deep dive into the Five Factors, or the five measures of a quality diplomacy measure. The First Factor, Explosiveness, has been published in three parts. Hit up the Wise Old Weasel to find out your league championship compatability.
SOPHOMORIC DUES SHAMING RETURNS
People who don’t pay their dues wear sweaters with stains on them. Mr. Rogers doesn’t even like them.
Pay your dues. Make Mr. Rogers proud.
THE WEEKLY WEASEL ACCOMPLISHES NEW THINGS
But, like, for real though guys, the season is picking up and this might actually become weekly again.
BTOAB ESCAPES CARNAGE SHINING SILVER
A contingent of Weasels trekked out to Carnage for Dipcon, the American Diplomacy Championship. Bull Weasel and two-time defending Weasel of the Year Brandon “BTOAB” Fogel came home with the second place trophy, just behind champion Doug "Also the World Champ" Moore. This is a tremendous accomplishment as only one Weasel has ever won Dipcon.
As a new club policy, Weasels who podium at a Grand Prix event will get their own interview feature here on the Weekly Weasel. Keep an eye out for that, and say congrats to the BTOAB on a job well done!
GOAT CLIMBS HIGHER AS CLOCK STRIKES 13
We’ve had two games this month that both represent personal bests for the toppers. First, goat aficionado Jake Langenfeld broke baaaaad by dropping a 51-point Turkish effort. Then, Chris Kelly broke out with a 13 dot, 62-point Austrian assault. This puts Kelly and Langenfeld as the early front men for the 2018 season.
DECK THE HALLS WITH FLEETS IN HOLLAND
Two games coming up. First on Sunday the 3rd, former World Champ Chris “Dancing Queen” Martin will be joining us at Johnny G’s abode. Then on Saturday the 9th, Matt “Guitar” Sundstrom is hosting a house game. We also usually do a Christmas bonus bar game, which I’m sure will be put on the books for Thursday the 21st if I ask Santa real nicely. Sign up here.
Hit the jump for news on the Wise Old Weasel, scoring system changes, and a crucial change to the way the club asks for dues.
THE WEEKLY WEASEL PREVIEWS ROYALE
Celebrating our club’s most competitive annual tradition, the Weasel Royale Championship Game
This FINAL Weekly Weasel of the 2017 season will preview our second to final board. The next Weekly Weasel will be our 2018 preview, which will come out sometime before the next bar game.
WEASTATS Pre-stats: Your player overview featuring embarrassing photos, statistics, and super sexy radar charts
Pardon my French Method: A brief overview of our championship power selection
The 8th Place Prognostication: Our newest club honor where the Weasel who just missed the cut with provide our Royale Prediction. This year’s honorary Prognosticator: Bryan Pravel
But before we hear who will be our Bull Weasel, let’s meet the bullshitters contenders!
THE WEEKLY WEASEL PREPS FOR PYLE
Election email going out this evening, 3 days til college football, 4 days til we strike the regimental, 5 days til celebration of Labor. It’s a great week to be a Weasel.
COME NOW WEASELS…
Our club’s most revered tradition, the Weasel Pyle, is this Sunday at Casa O’Kelley. We have 22 24 players signed up, including a sizeable Old Guard Contingent. Come play Diplomacy -- the fun starts at 11, but if we have 6 willing players at 320ish, your writer will actually get to play in the late game. Awards to follow.
THE WEEKLY WEASEL AIN’T DEAD YET
Featured this week: terrible, terrible puns. Yes, they're worse than usual.
A ROARing Finish
Our last game of the Bar Room Brawl is this evening, meaning that this is your last chance to qualify for the BAR ROOM BRAWL TITLE BOUT (and a chance at winning your name on Cockerill’s Orb)! Swing by the Red Lion at 6:30 for the festivities.
A raging election
It’s that time of year, folks. Sneak elections occur at the Pyle. Any paid up members can vote, any paid up members can run. 3 spots are open, we have 1 incumbent and a couple other candidates who have indicated interest. If you are interested in running for the Sneak, send an email to Jake, your Chief of Public Information, by 8/16. Also reach out if you have any questions.
Newsflash: Jim O’Kelley does not suck at Diplomacy
It seems reports of the club founder’s death have been greatly exaggerated. Jim dropped a sizeable German board top at last week’s reunion bar game, where we welcomed back ex-pat Christian MacDonald. After spending the majority of the season outside the Top 7, Jim’s top has secured him a place in the Royale and continues his momentum since winning CODCON. This development is particularly painful to hear because we here at the Weekly Weasel had a joke prepared for Pyle had Jim failed to make the top 7.
“Jim said he needed to take a step back this year for his marriage, and he did an excellent job at that, missing the Weasel Royale for the first time.”
We’ll be here all week, folks. For a recap and other jokes straight from the comedy cemetery, hit up the recap here.
THE WEEKLY WEASEL EMBRACES THE INEVITABLE
Oh hey folks. Been a while. How are things, what’s new? Let me just check the league standings real quick and…
BREAKING NEWS: FOGEL DOMINATES LEAGUE
This month’s bar game had a not-so-friendly reminder that diplomacy is a game where 7 players push blocks around a map of Europe for a few hours and in the end Brandon wins. Except this time it was by 75. Not a score of 75, his margin was 75. This vaults the Biggest Threat on Any Board to 198 points on the year, first in the league by a whopping 30 points. Game recaps incoming here.
Now, we have to give some credit where credit is due. Jim called the game a “batting practice fastball,” but herding cats for four hours is a damn tough job, even if they’re just kittens. Herding kittens to the highest non-solo score in league history is even more impressive. In fact, why don’t we make a list of all the impressive things BTOABrandon has accomplished this year:
Moot is two weeks away from today at DIVERSEY BOWL #themootabides. But before that, we here at the Weekly Weasel need your help!
IS THIS YOUR HOMEWORK, LARRY?
I need your help, folks, to help me help you. One of our goals here as Weasels is developing championship players. I am working on developing some worksheets/ tools to help players self-evaluate their games. Ideally, I’ll post these right after Moot, when all but one of us is wondering why we didn’t win the tournament / why we suck at diplomacy.
Thanks in advance for your thoughts and recos.
OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE NOT A GOLFER
Because you’ll be playing diplomacy at Weasel Moot two weeks from RIGHT NOW! 4 rounds with one drop round, so it’s okay if the bar eats you and you have to mark it zero, dude. The moot will abide starting 6/23---sign up here.
THE WEEKLY WEASEL GETS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
Miley Cyrus week here at the Weekly Weasel. It's our party- we can do what we want.
I CAME IN LIKE A RUSSIAN BALL
Russia is blasting to a comparatively excellent season, with the second highest average score and tied for the second highest number of board tops. Game 341 was no exception, as Bryan Pravel pushed the Russian Resurgence at last week’s bar game, securing a 9 center board top and moving himself into the top 7 on the year. Following his best Russia performance at CODCON, Pravel has now topped 3 of his last four boards as Mother Russia (shout out to the research department here at the Weekly Weasel, who pulled that stat.) Ali Adib also picked up points in a second place performance. Game results here.
THE SEVEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
Tuesday night brings a bonus bar game, with seven players set to play at the aptly named Seven, a restaurant in Brian Shelden’s apartment building. Should be a fascinating board- three vets, two Trottas (Papa and Ian), and two rookies. Your writer was going to play, but got scheduled for focus groups Tuesday evening, and will thus be arriving late to help coach and yell at the Golden State Warriors. We’ll have to settle for A Tale of Two Trottas instead of the Trotta, Trotta, Trotta sequel. Hint hint at what the game headline will be.
Festivities kick off at 630. Coin flip whether there will be post game karaoke. If history is any indication, that coin flip turns to a certainty should the Prime Weasel hear anything by Sugarland.
THERE’S ALWAYS GONNA BE ANOTHER MOUNTAIN…
Speaking of Seven and feminine karaoke ballads about life's journey, “The Climb” for Weasel Royale is remarkably competitive this year. Following Pravel’s board top, the top 7 all have scores exceeding 100 points, with four veterans close behind. While the top 3 spots are likely secure, we have 8 players competing for the final four spots in our club’s championship. With three months remaining, there is plenty of time for additional challengers to stake their claim in what should be a bloodbath of a home stretch.
WE CAN’T STOP. AND WE WON’T STOP.
The final year brought red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere, but Game 340 ended with Jake Trotta extending his personal league topping streak to 3. The nine center effort brings him one short of Brandon Fogel’s presumed record streak of 4 consecutive tops (research department is working round the clock on this, folks.) Check out some fine AARs, where Trotta did presciently predict the result of game 341.
PARTY IN THE USA
The Wise Old Weasel is back with a patriotic vengeance. The WOW: France appeared last week, and your writer could not bring himself to say nice things about France, so it was rewritten as the WOW: America. Brandon posited that this may be due to some Italian inferiority complex; your writer has no defense in that regard. Share your best baguette battle strategies here.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL CELEBRATES SIXO DE MAYO
Well, that was a little delay with a lot of Diplomacy in it.
A FIERY FIESTA FEATURING PITBULL AT PRAVEL’S
You’ve heard of Cinco, but the Weasels will be celebrating on the 6th this year at Bryan Pravel’s river north apartment. Since Bryan is moving, it will be the last game at the venue, but there will be plenty of SIXO DE MAYO CELEBRATION with a spicy board of veteran players. In true Latin style, we will Mexican food in at least the form of tortilla chips, Pitbull playing nonstop in the background, and one drawn out discussion from Jake about how Dos Equis Amber is the superior Mexican import. Yes, that means I'll bring some.
Sign up for the Siesta here.
DAD’S GOT GAME (AND NOW A TROPHY)
In case anyone hasn’t heard yet, club founder Jim O’Kelley won CODCON (his first Chicago tournament title) with a rousing Turkish solo, in addition to a quality English board top. It was one hell of an event for the Witches- to such a degree that Best France was only 12 points (congrats Prime Weasel Shelden!) Your writer got both second place and the Icarus fish for biggest flop, while world’s nicest Weasel Bryan Pravel put down the hair gel, took the gloves off, and earned both Best Stab and Third Place honors. Commentary and game recaps are coming in, check them all out here.
GIVE EM THE RINGER, DUDE
The Weasels had a great game over at Diversey Bowl a couple weeks back. In a mad rush of a final year, Jake Trotta landed an 8 center board top. Brandon Fogel did a wonderful job coaching rookie player Randi Miller, as well as ensuring no one treated objects like women, man. Read about all the action here. We also had a bar game, topped by newcomer Jocie Nelson, which you can read about here.
THE WEEKLIER WEASEL IS ON A MISSION FROM COD
Before we get into CODCON HYPE, let us first point out that two of the top five Austria performances of club history, including the biggest ever, happened last week. Which happened to be the week after the publishing of Wise Old Weasel: Austria. Coincidence? Sister Margaretta thinks not.
Now, back to the news at hand.
LIE TELLIN’ IN GLEN ELLYN. TOPPING BOARDS IN STUDENT RESOURCE. STABS AND RAGE AT COLLEGE OF DUPAGE.
That’s right folks, CODCON, the Outback Bowl of the Diplomacy hobby, is coming up this weekend. Grab your notebooks and bloomin’ onions- it’s about to get HYPEEEEEE! The madness kicks off at 9am on Saturday at, you guessed it, the student resource center at College of Dupage in lovely Glen Ellyn, Illinois. If you haven’t already, sign up here. Bonus- if you pay your dues, then you save money on the fee. That’s like saving two puppies at once.
We’re back with a triumphant return after getting chewed out on Twitter. Thanks, guys. I appreciate the Speaky Weasel support.
MARTIN, KLINE STRIKE IN BOWLING ALLEY
Headlines like that are worth the wait, folks. Chicago’s finest diplomacy hobby had a wonderful outing last weekend at Diversey Bowl, again hosting two boards. Out-of-towner Chris Martin topped one with a 48 point Russian performance, taking over this year’s Top Czar score and deeply disappointing your writer. On the other board, Christian Kline eeked out a 7-6-6 split as France, earning his second top this year. Recaps are starting to come in, read all about it here.
We’re back at Red Lion for a game next Wednesday… and we’re on a two board hot streak! Check what it’s brawl about here.
I'm starting to believe the GOP might play diplomacy. If I've learned anything in this world of dot grabbing bastards, it's that the only way to look ethical is to make someone else look unethical.
SPEAKING OF SNAKE OIL
In our bonus bar game, Italy (yours truly) slithered its way to a 16-dot board top and the top of the league/brawl standings. For recaps and insight from The Jungle Book, click here. Also click to see Jim amusingly guilt himself into updating the standings. Thanks, Jim.
NEW KIDS THROWIN' DOWN IN UPTOWN
Rookie of the Year front-runner and South Carolina's second favorite son (couldn't bump you ahead of Colbert) Mick Johnson is hosting this Saturday at 11 in Uptown. The board currently features 3 first timers, one rookie, and three guys in their second season of WCW play. Can we push for 2? If not, come on by, hang out, and help coach a young weasel! Sign up here.
Hit the jump for next week bar game details, Wise Old Weasel updates, and your usual and customary pupptricide shaming.
Did you miss me? Notice anything different about me? Shout out to the dream team of Pravel, Shelden, Fogel, and O’Kelley for fixing the website and turning this once ugly duckling into the beautiful swan it is today. Let’s see what this bodacious bod can do.
ONE IS SILVER, THE OTHER IS GOLD
We’ve had three boards this December, two won by new friends Nicole Campbell and Gudrun Juffer, the one a thriller pulled out by venerable Prime Weasel and lying bastard Brian Shelden. No word on if the game at Gramila’s resulted in any shirtless, bearded rice pudding selfies. If you haven’t heard that story, you absolutely need to ask Gramila.
Anyways, check out the recaps. Honestly, they’re directly below this post, so I’m going to go ahead and trust you to scroll on down and check em out.
A NICE CHRISTMAS BONUS
That’s right folks, there’s an extra bar game on the 28th at the Red Lion. Swing by at 630 for the SANTA CLAUSE SELECTION ORDER, booze, and general holiday merriment. Peter Lokken will be swinging by. Also my kid brother will be there because it just wouldn’t be the holidays without some family infighting.
Sign up here. Also, check the lineup. Sure to be some fireworks-is there an alliance player on that board?
Hit the jump for a full stockingsworth of Weasel updates.
This is your unofficial Brawl Title Bout hype thread. Brotivational? Brotivational.
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRAWLLLLLLL
Bar Room Brawl Championship Bar Room Brawl Title Bout is tomorrow at the Red Lion. Will Top Weasel Brandon Fogel bring home his first postseason trophy? Can Bull Weasel Matt Sundstrom power himself to the top? Could upstart challenger David Spanos, or late addition Ali Adib, take a swing at the title? The gloves will come off, but only one will raise Cockerill's Orb as our Bar Room Brawl Champion.
Meanwhile, we've got two for the undercard. Now five people may seem like a lot to pull in 24 hours, but did Rocky ever quit? Seriously, the dude is on his 6th movie.
We had a busy week here at the Windy City Weasels. Hit the jump for YUGE board results, touring Weasel updates, and your usual dues-paying puppy shaming.