THE WISE OLD WEASEL: FRANCE
I’m supposed to say nice things about French culture here. But here’s the truth: Napoleon was a goddamn Italian, and France lost both World Wars. They invented the word “surrender.”
France is so laughably overpowered on the diplomacy board, with their embarrassment of neutrals, difficult to play neighbors, arguably second best defensive position in the game, and natural resting state along the stalemate line. In diplomacy, France is unquestionably the best. They practically always win. It's almost like the game was created for them to dominate. Wait a minute...
Folks… France is the AMERICA of diplomacy.
So fuck your cake. It’s 1917, and the real freaking heroes are finally here. Grab your bacon and apple pie, because Operation: Dip Freedom is coming through.
This Wise Old Weasel is all about TEAM FREEDOM.
THE WISE OLD WEASEL: AMERICA
Team Freedom, World's Greatest Nation and normally the strongest nation on the board, is having a great year, winning 13 of 30 boards so far. This nearly doubles the second place nation, but still does not match our dominance in World Series Championships. You're freaking welcome, every other country.
Perhaps the most difficult challenge in playing America is the same challenge as being an American- what do I do with all this FREEDOM?
We thank France for the Statue of Liberty, democratic revolutions, and pissing off England. The greatest country in the world perfected all 3.
All right, Weasels. Uncle Sam needs you. How do you play France America?
Hit the jump for some great American history, ballads of bald eagle resurgences, how we have the best allies, and more.